"Can I Have Your Body?"

I'm constantly experiencing the challenge not only of learning the Thai language, but also of trying to understand what Thais are trying to say to me in English. One of the main difficulties in understanding English as spoken by Thais is their routine failure to pronounce the endings of English words. "Dance" becomes "dan," for example. In addition, Thais often are unfamiliar with the correct pronunciation of vowels or the proper accenting of words. This can lead to some truly baffling miscommunications.

The most recent example occurred a couple of days ago. I wanted to have Citibank here in Thailand issue a credit card to me to replace an existing one that I had damaged accidentally. Having undergone lengthy and excruciating torture by Citibank over many weeks just to get a Thai credit card in the first place, I decided to enlist the help of my Thai secretary, Khun Air, to get a replacement. Khun Air, who speaks English quite well, agreed, but after a few minutes of speaking to Citibank on the phone, she came into my office and said, "Khun Paul, Citibank wants to speak to you." I went to Khun Air's desk, picked up the phone, and prepared to answer questions aimed at verifying my identity.

To my surprise, the woman from Citibank asked me in English, with great care and clarity, "Can I have your body?" Thinking I surely had misunderstood, I asked her to repeat her question. Once again, she said, "Can I have your body?" At this point, being completely dumbfounded, I turned to Khun Air, who was standing at my side, and said, "She wants my body." Khun Air gave me a very puzzled frown and took the phone from me. After a few seconds of jabbering in Thai to the Citibank representative, Khun Air handled the phone back to me. Between barely controlled giggles, she explained: "Khun Paul, she wants your birthday!"